as it's in Heaven

Save me, I am yours

2007-04-09T01:13:00.000-07:00

Save me Lord, the enemy has sneak in and building strong hold in my mind. I love you Lord and I want to follow the mission that you have give me. I can't tell you how much I thank you for chosen me for a specific purpose. But, Father, the way I am now is too think and dull. I am so tired of failing you, and the people who I love. I know my live should not end before I finished the work you have told me to do, but sometime it does feel it is easy to die than to live. Obviously I am just living your call by my strength, otherwise why would I feel tire and weary? Teach me oh Lord, how to depend on you. Save me God.

愛上一個袮的她

2007-04-03T03:03:00.000-07:00

每個的她都屬袮
管我去愛或被愛
都是為了一個她

然而遇上這個她
敎我學愛袮的她

袮是多麼的愛她
每天跟袮說著她
心裡只想袮與她

若是沒有袮我她
為何留個夢裡她
只有袮才了解她
因這永是袮的她

Confession

2007-03-29T00:02:00.000-07:00

I used to feel that my life is like a dying light bulb. The power of the spirit just comes and goes, very much unstable. Perhaps I could say that the power in me is off most of the time. Until the recent battle that God test me through, I began to understand more of what does it mean to have power in our walk with God. I used to think that power begins in the moment we confess our sins to Jesus. Pure heart would brings power in life. Until the Holy Spirit reveal to me more about how the enemy uses confession to control us, I realize power of life does not begin from the moment we believe that we are forgiven, but it begins from the moment that we assure our identity with Christ as the children of God. The evil one uses confession as a tool to deceive us in several ways: (1) tempt us to sin over and over again and claim God would forgive; (2) deceive us to focus on the power of sin which make us stumble all the time; (3) he use the pains from the confession to create fear of failure in us so that we became either fearful to move forward or we became self-pitiful on all the things we do; (4) he make confession so significant that some time we forgot about the revelation that comes after, we receive forgiveness but we stopped at the point where we need to stand up and walk in the light again.

Do you believe that you have the power of the Spirit in you? Are you abiding in God through Christ? Brothers and sisters remember who you are in Christ, don't stop at confession and become self-pitiful, move on and focus on the one who is abide in you.

Press On!

2007-03-26T19:30:00.000-07:00

Father, I stand to praise you and acknowledge you. You created all things and all things are created for the joy of glorifying you. Help me to continue stand to my feet. They become weak and began to shake. Your enemies, rejections and abandonments have eaten away my understanding of your love. Help me with my doubt Father. On day light your enemies deceive me and accuse me with all my failure, at night they discourage me in my dreams. They curse me and said to me "where is your God?" They said, "your God has abandon you and rejected you because I have fail God like the way I failed people that I love." Father how long will you stay silence? I will not trust in my bow nor will my sword can save me. For you, yourself will restore my dignity and integrity. I kept on standing to my feet even I knew I have failed in the past, so be my defender, Father. Do not let your enemies to discourage me? I am afraid that I might quit before I face another failure again. Father please do not stay silence. Open my eyes and my ears to hear you so that I may know you and continue to please you. I am not asking you to take me out from my battle, but Father increase my faith for you and protect me from the evil one. For your love and your grace is sufficient for me to face how you have intended for me to live.

Does God rest on Sunday (Sadbath)?

2007-03-25T00:25:00.000-07:00

Little Karina asked this question in her weekly devotional a month ago. It's a cute question because it asked by a 10 year old girl, but what it really is a brilliant question. When is the last time we ask God something that is related to him? Don't we tend to ask question related more about us? Why this happen to me, how could God allow this and that, and God could you show me this and that... Hum... Does God rest on Sunday? Well I imagine it would be hard. Just think about how much more prayer He gets from Sunday Christian on His day. If the way we say a prayer is like sending an email to God. I bet that on the weekday, He probably has time to check the spam box. Not to say that sometime we send Him so much spam prayer anyway. We send the same prayer multiple time only we address it differently. Doesn't it just like spam? Imagine God wakes up on Sunday morning, all of a sudden those Christians devoted to Sunday spamming just keep trying to fill up His mailbox like there is no tomorrow. How can God really rest on Sunday? Well, thankfully He could, because He is whom He is. But seriously, we do need to learn asking God how does He like us to worship Him on Sunday.

You are significant

2007-03-13T02:12:00.000-07:00

I wasted another day struggling with myself. Thought that I would watch a movie to get my mind off from things for a sec, but God knew all along and He uses this one line to struck the cord in my heart: "I wanted somebody who is very important to me to understand that..." That's the reason why I want my life to be significant, that's the reason why I like to feel I am needed. That's the reason why I am afraid to hurt someone. Because I am trying to find someone who is very important to me to understand the reason of my life.

DAH~ I know I am stupid. Who doesn't want to have someone who is very important to them? Well its easy to made someone to be important to you, but it is hard to find someone to accept that or understand that. Because when you make someone important to you, you are in control to love that person, but having someone who is very important to you to understand you, you are in love. This doesn't just apply to romance, but friendship also.

Maybe you will be thinking, we of course, to be someone who is very important requires commitment. But what really is a commitment? Why so many people afraid they can't keep commitment? Many believe commitment is about the way how we treat each other. It requires you to do many things to keep a commitment. No, I think that's not really commitment encamped. Commitment between two people is that both persons decided to love each other the way they are, not what they should be. Commitment is an oath saying to each other that we will always be important to each other even when it hurts (despite physical abuse). The reason why we always think commitments needed to do many things to keep them because we afraid if we don't do anything, the other party won't feel love and then the person won't love us back. Whether is friendship or romance, if a relationship has a real commitment, the two of them would not worry about what they have to do to love and be loved. All the works is a natural outflow of love. Commitment became works when love and trust is gone. That's why commitment needs to make in front of God, because He is the one who provide faith and love.

Anyway, I have been sidetrack talking about commitment. I really don't expect to find anyone to understand me. He already said that I won't find that someone. He said it long time ago and many times, I won't find that someone. Thank goodness He didn't say forever. It is because the significant other that I find is equivalent to the price Christ pay on the cross for me. I won't find anything more significant than that. Until I align myself in acknowledge that significant, I won't be satisfied with love. Perhaps that's why I am attracted to encourage people to love God, because I am attracted to see the testimony of His love. I want to find someone who to show me who they accept the unconditional love He gave.

Father, this love of yours is too hard to grasp. Noway I can put a price tag on Your sacrifice. The price is more than all the number of the world. I know that your love is deeper than the ocean and wider than the sky, but I am just too dumb and dull. I am afraid and my soul is downcast. I trust in you, Father. Help me not focus on my ability to receive, but the the ability that you give.

Am I a chicken or an eagle?

2007-03-12T16:09:00.000-07:00

God I know that I am somebody in your eyes, but I really like a no body in this world. I am like an eagle that living in a cage. No body think that I am an eagle and I am too starting believe that I better off to believe that I am a chicken rather than an eagle. Yet I don't want to give in to what the world see me. Tell me God, am I a chicken or am I an eagle? You are my only hope. I entrust myself in your hand, and I believe that even if I am a chicken, I could soar in the air like the eagle, because you said that those who hope is in You, You will renew their strength and they would soar with wings like eagles. Where are you God? I am no body with you. If you are pleased with me, show me Your ways so that I can continue to please you. Struck down my pride and my arrogant, I know they don't belong in me. Shake off anything that prevent me from being who you created me to be. I trust in you Father. This world does not need chicken, or eagles that behave like a chicken. They need to see the works of you hands how you turn chicken to eagles, or how you train eagles to be like eagles, so that they would distinguish the eagles that you make from other eagles of the world that are egocentric. Listen to my prayer God, give ears to your servant. Do not cast your Holy Spirit away from me. My strength had left me, my heart throbs, even the lights of my eyes had faded, my ears is going deaf, and my tongue had tied up and turned mute. My soul why are you downcast? Trust in the Lord, and He will restore the joy of salvation in you. Remember His first touch, remember His first romance, remember the first dance He leads, have faith O my soul. Trust in the Lord.

Stupid me

2007-03-11T21:30:00.000-07:00

Shouldn't have spend 4 hours on the beach last night. Yet I really needed that time with Jesus. Sigh but stupid me, after I set my clock for daylight saving, set my alarm to wake up at 7am, I FORGOT TO TURN IT ON!!! :( then I find myself woke up at 11:20am this morning. Today is the beginning of the new unit in Sunday school. I suppose to post up a new schedule and be there to assist the teachers and Christine. I called Christine immediately. Sigh... it must had been a chaos. When I called, the computer teachers were trying to figuring it out the password and user names of the computers that I set up. Also the class went without the spiritual journals that they suppose to have. By the time I got to church, Sunday school is over. I explained the situation to Christine. Even though she forgave me and try to encourage me, but as I looked into her eyes, I knew she had been crying and I must have frustrated her and make her worried much. The pre-worship prayer team came down to pray for the children workers this morning too, not only I missed out big time, but also I make them worried too.

I realized now, my greatest fear is not afraid that people didn't need me, my greatest fear is that I might hurt other's feeling and disappointed people. well may be is kind of the same. After you fail someone, the next thing is that they started to have this scar in them every time they try to trust you again. I think that's why I have a had time believe that God would say to me "I believe in you!" I wish someone was there to wake me up this morning. stupid me (>. < i)

I Love Jesus

2007-03-11T20:44:00.000-07:00

My soul was tired. My faith was sored. Last night, I was hoping I could spend sometimes with friends and put everything behind for just a little while, unfortunately, the restaurants we went was just too crowded, we only ate and left. After we had dinner, they all have their schedule and run home.

So I went to the ocean by myself. The night surely was beautiful. I was walking down the beach next to the waves, listening to the audio bible. I didn't know how long I have listened, but surely my heart started to feel a little better after I had listened about 59 chapters of Psalm. Here are some verses that encourage me the most:

LORD, who may dwell in your sanctuary? Who may live on your holy hill? ... [He] who keeps his oath even when it hurts. (15:1, 4) I said to my Lord, "You are my Lord; apart from You I have no good thing." I will praise the Lord who counsels me; even at night my heart instructs me. I have set the Lord always before me because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices my body also will rest secure, because you will not abandon me to the grace...(16:7-10) Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise Him, my Savior and my God. (43:5) Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me. Then I will teach transgressors Your ways, and sinners will turn back to You. (51:11-13) But it is you, a man like myself, my companion, my close friend, with whom I once enjoyed sweet fellowship... Cast your cares on the Lord and He will sustain you. (55:13,22)

My soul was still downcast and there were nothing extraordinary happened, but I just knew I wanted to praise God anyway. So I changed the reading to worship music. I started to sing praise and trying to dance with the slow music. Nevertheless, I didn't want to make too much of a gesture, don't want people to think that I am crazy or drunk. But when I got to the faster music, I really wanted to jump. The funny thing is that while I still restricting myself to jump with the music, one big huge wave comes in and trying to get my feet. It force me to jump backwards at least 10 feet. It was then I got hooked afterward. I was tracing the waves back to the ocean and the waves trace me back to the shore. Time when by so fast that I didn't even know I worship two more hours at the beach. At the end of the night, I just wanted to write to Jesus so say that I love Him anyway. As I wrote it, the first time, the naughty wave washed it away and got my feet wet. The second time, two people came by and asked me, "what are you spelling?" I laughed and said to them, "I love Jesus." They must have though that I am a Jesus freak, so they walk away without a word. Soon after I finished writing it, the naughty wave came in again and washed it. so I wrote to Jesus the third time, but only this time I wrote it in the starry sky. Nothing can wash it away, and I can see it everywhere I go.

Beauty

2007-03-11T20:22:00.000-07:00

Our heart are made to draw to beautiful things. But just like rose has it thorns on the vine, beauty always has its way to protect themselves from being harm. The flip side of this protection is that it made some culture to draw the conclusion that beauty is danger. Some even would say that the more beautiful the appearance is, the more poison it contains. As a result, those culture would have a bad impression of beauty, or they put high guard on them.
Nevertheless, despite of that, what is it beauty could do to us? Why are we attracted to beauty? One thing I believe the function of beauty is to bring balance of the mess it is inside of us. When our hearts has mess up, we tend to draw ourselves to some beautiful thing, such as ocean, sunset, starry sky...etc, because we need that balance to release the mess that is inside. But the ultimate goal that God put in the power of the beauty in nature is really to remind us about the creator. His power and His beauty.

Give Me a Reason to Live

2007-03-10T00:25:00.000-08:00

God, you blessed me to exercise my faith muscle, but don't you think is a little too much? My faith is all sore up right now. My faith is just so weak. Weak like nothing. Give me a reason why you preserve me till this day? Give me a reason why You let me living a life without faith? Give me a reason why you still let me to take-control? Give me a reason why you should not reign in me? You know that I am nothing without you. Give me a reason Jesus. A reason I am not crucified on the cross and let you live. I am waiting. Give me a reason. Father I can't go on. Do not let me grief you, Holy Spirit. Take my life Jesus.

Where is my Faith?

2007-03-09T22:29:00.000-08:00

Father, I have known you for many years now, but how much do I live on what I know? I needed more faith in my life. Father, whatever it takes, please I want to live a life that you are the reason. I am living too much for myself. Not enough Father, it’s not enough right now. I have let the world robbed my joy away, the joy that you have given to me. Teach me how to pray Father. My thoughts are in your way. My mind is in your way. My hands are in your way. Whatever it takes Father, cause me to surrender. Why do I want salvation? It isn’t about doing good. Is the matter of knowing You as who You are isn’t it? Talk to me face to face Father, I don’t care if I die. If I die, I die in front of you rather than dying without knowing you. Show me Father that we have a relationship or have not? If I have not, what does it takes to start? I want you. I know I do not have to do anything to earn your love, but I so tired of myself believing in that. Why are you so far away Father? Do not let me go down to the pit. Will the dust really praise you? Baptize my heart Father. I am so tire of being me.

Your God is too Safe

2007-02-15T21:37:00.000-08:00

Current reading...
Your God is Too Safe
Mark Buchanan

ISBN:1576737748

"We go to Bible college, hoping that will inoculate us against spiritual languor, will create in us robust faith. But many theolgoical schools and bible college are built on borderlands. There is the danger in such a places that we will learn much more about God and at the same time grow distant from God; we will study the intricacies of doctrine, but lose passion; we will become eloquent at God talk, but cease talking to God." p.21

Scripture: When the people saw the thunder and lightning and heard the trumpet and saw the moutain in smoke, they trembled with fear. They stayed at a distance and said to Moses, "Speak to us yourself and we will listen. But do not have God speak to us or we will die." Ex 20:18-19

"We long for hearsay about God, but do not ourselves want to hear God say anything. We want someone else to handle the fire, to risk death or deforming or deafening in the encounter with the living God...to find someone who will keep God afar, make God safe."

I guess the check point for an intercessor is this, are you waiting on God or are you making God wait? Seriously, I have to admit that I am only making Him waiting right now. It's scary. What am I withholding? Of course you there is much blessing and much joy being in the mountain top and bring down all sort of blessing to people around you, I have no problem with this. But how many time in did the people of Israel at the time really say we will listen? Most of the time when you are the intercessor, you are the one to blame. Being the one to blame is not the wrose, having other turning around and condemn you are the wrost. I am stuck in this borderland, I can't go back to my old self, but yet I am strgguling to move forward. People is not the one I afraid the most, failing God is the one I felt. Who can bring me to the new land? who can understand, who really care about who I am rather than what I should be? Why am I still making him wait?

Learning to Love - Jason Upton

please return my stereo face ( i)

2007-02-13T01:39:00.000-08:00

When I drove home tonight, I find out that my stereo detachable face was stolen, along with my CD packs. No more music for me in the car at least for a while. It's good that the CD in the unit right now is a copy. Tomorrow I have to spend time to take out my stereo in the car, in case the theft come back and break in for the rest of the audio unit. Well, lost is lost. At least my car is fine, don't need to spend money to fix anything. Poor theft, steal nothing valuable. Hope this person finds a way out for this kind of lifestyle. I imagine must be hard, have to stay up so late to steal... anyhow, Bonnie said that after I take out my stereo, I should leave a note "please return my stereo face"... I find that very cute and amusing... maybe I should add, "please return my stereo face, I am praying for you." (^o^ i)

Do you believe?

2007-02-08T00:51:00.000-08:00

I can't believe, I have been missing out our church Sunday service for about a month and half already. The past few weeks/months had been a crazy time. I believe my car added somewhat a 15-20k to my mileage meter. I just got a deep sense of hunger for God's touch. His touch is ten thousand time than all the chocolate truffle in the world. Like the movie twister, instead of looking for tornado, I was racing my car down south, east, north, west to places where I hear God's presence. As God said that He wants more of me, I too said to Him, I want more of Him as well. But you know what the funny thing is, He said to me today, " You know Patrick, I know that you desire to be perfect, to be whole, to be healed, but this is really not what I am interested in. All I am interested in is this question: Do you believe that I love you as who you are? Do you really believe that? Do you believe that I believe in you even you are imperfect? I love you not because of who you should be or who you want to be, I love you at who you are. Do you believe that?

I really don't know how to answer this question. I am scare to look into the eyes of Jesus, I am afraid. Help me Jesus, give me courage. I believe Jesus, that when I look into your eyes, I will find love that I never find before, love that will not be find elsewhere. Thank you for your love Lord. Thank you.

Turn Your Eyes upon Jesus

My Personality DNA report?

2007-02-05T09:49:00.000-08:00

I have to admit this test only project the personality that you try to project, or the personality that you consciously aware of. I believe if I take it again on a different day, it will not be the same. Anyhow, it was fun to take this kind of test once in a while.

THE MAYONNAISE JAR and 2 CUPS OF COFFEE

2007-01-30T22:56:00.000-08:00

A Friend of mine just sent me this article. It’s quite pleasant and sweet. I hope you found sometime yourself to enjoy this cup of coffee (coca works just fine if you don't drink coffee. =)

THE MAYONNAISE JAR and 2 CUPS OF COFFEE

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and 2 cups of coffee.

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls.

He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with an unanimous "yes."

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

"Now," said the professor, as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things like family, children, health, friends, and favorite passions -- things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, house, and car.

The sand is everything else -- the small stuff.

"If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you.

So …pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Don't sweat the small stuff!

Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your partner out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal. "Take care of the golf balls first – the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented. The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend."

Please share this with someone you care about. I JUST DID!

Always remember to forget the troubles that pass your way BUT never forget to remember the blessings that come each day.

Remember to always smile!

The Tune of My Father's Heart

2007-01-29T11:58:00.000-08:00

Dear prayer warriors,

Just came back from Kansas City, I am still processing what I see and hear in International House of Prayer. For those of you who are faithfully praying for me, this is a song that I wrote on the flight coming back to CA. I hope you enjoy it. I don't have a set tune to it yet, but perhaps this will be perfect, so you would have a personal tune from the Father's heart instead of me.

The Tune of my Father’s heart

What burns inside of me?
The heartache for the lost,
is the burden of my Lord.
The Father for the broken heart.

His heart, cares for the fatherless.
His love, comfort the mourning souls
Can you hear?
The tune of my Father’s heart.

Do you know?
The day I found my Father,
I couldn’t let Him go.
Oh, He never let me go.

In His arms,
I hear the tune of his heart,
In His eyes
I see my deepest love.
His tune healed my broken heart

Have you found my Father?
His heart is searching for you,
His joy is to sing to you,
a tune for your heart and soul.

Are you, longing the father’s voice?
Your love, is what He loves to sing for.
Can you hear?
The tune of your Father's heart.

Lay down your life,
Exchange His love,
He’s been singing song to you.
Hear the tune of your Father’s heart.

He is singing the tune of his heart to us.
His love is fathering us.
Can you hear?
Hear the tune of our father’s heart.

He is here. He has a song for us.
Listen, to the tune of our Father’s heart.
He is singing over us.

Daddy don't sleep...

2007-01-29T00:50:00.001-08:00

This testimony are very moving...

Is there a man in the house?

2007-01-26T04:05:00.000-08:00

A message from House or Home series by living on the edge ministry

MEN! We need to listen up!
Is There a Man in the House? Part 1|Part 2
(click on listen now on the web to listen)

Ladies, here is your part:
Is There a Women in the House? Part 1 | Part 2

Hear more sermons on web clink here

Brokenness

2007-01-25T15:23:00.001-08:00

I normally don't listen too much radio, but happen to switch my channel to AM1100. I come across to the message "Brokeness: The plan (Part A)(Part B)"(<-Click to listen) by Dr. Stanley. (>.< color="red">I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. The man who loves his life will lose it, while the man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life. Whoever serves me must follow me; and where I am, my servant also will be. My Father will honor the one who serves me.
"Now my heart is troubled, and what shall I say? 'Father, save me from this hour'? No, it was for this very reason I came to this hour. Father, glorify your name!"

What am I holding on today of my self-life, that I am willing to keep on holding on to, knowing that it is going to cost of what God’s loving best of my life, and His best for His eternity, the expense of God’s loving best that He has planned?

I remember in the retreat, one of the “Ungame” questions was this, “What is that on thing that you want people to remember you of your life?” This is the kind of dead wish question that Ricardo always likes to ask (^o^). I don’t really remember what I have answer, and I don’t expect anyone does, but one thing that I know now is this and it has been finally able to express in word: “I want people to remember that I am a kind of person that attract them to Jesus.”

Surely, I have not been coming to the point of living out what I just wrote. Because as long as I have my self desire to attract people to remember something about me, I will stand in the way of getting them to see Jesus. Unless my “self” remain dead, otherwise I will be in the way. If I want to be the best of what God intended for me to be, I have to be willing to fully surrender myself to him, but as long as I insist to have things my way, it will never happen.

During the course of this past two months, God has shown me where I have stored my security and trust. Fear has come upon me because I sense that pain is coming, for He is constantly asking me the question will you surrender this? I cry out to Him say, “God not this” or “God help me to keep this safe”. I have come to realize that I have tight my soul into so many other things that I want to hold on to, especially relationships, they cost me what God has intended best for me, which is His the ultimate relationship with Him in my life. Will I willing to surrender my comfort, my security, my relationships, in exchange for a relationship with Him that is in Him alone, so that I may truly keeping my oaks to serve the little ones that he intended for me to feed?

God know my heart’s desire, but he withhold them from me because he knows that if he would have given them to me now, they will take control of my life and become the gods that I serve, He knows that I can't handle them. Our life is rule by the decision that we made. We can choose to live by the control of the Holy Spirit, or we can choose to quash the Holy Spirit and live our ways. God is trying to reset a new vision in me, to replace my old selves: self-advancement, self-centerness, self-dependency, self-righteousness, and self-will; but brokenness is what it takes to reset my life, to bring self-live into an end. God is after all of the self-images that doesn't fit me as who I am.

“God whatever it takes, whatever it takes to get my attention, whatever it takes to get my “self” out of me, send it. It might cost me to fail a thousands times, it might take my heart through the furnace every day. I am going to trust you that your grace is going to help me bear it. I am going to trust you to take me through it. But God, just don't quit on me until you have work me till what you have intended for the best of me."

This is not so much of a gospel song, but it share my moment. I am willing Lord, but be patient with me.

Patience by Take that.

From ideal to reality 1/17/2007

2007-01-17T01:55:00.000-08:00

Something what I learn today and hopefully will be a blessing to you. God once again reminded me not to focus on the reality of the world and the fantasy of my desire, but focus on the ideal image of God and let it becomes reality into this world. Let me try draw an illustration. Like the teaching of "love your enemies". Some says that the biggest enemy of man is himself. The reality of self in this world is that "I am a sinner". No matter through what dimension I look at myself, I will always find sin that I despised. So reality of self in this world does not bring any good for me to love myself. When reality doesn't help, some dwells themselves into the fantasy world. In this case would be believing someday I would be perfect without sin, which of course also is unreliable to help us to love self. What is the ideal image of God that we can bring into reality then? It is when I give up self-help and totally trust in Christ who reign in me to rule. In other word, if I am to love myself, love the Christ image that is in me. Same idea apply if my enemies are other than self. Neither should I love the person the way they harm me, nor should I love the person as if they are good when they really being bad. I should love the Christ that is (or potentially will be) in that person. I am ask to love my enemies means to love in a way that finding and placing Christ in them.

Lastly, come across an artist presenting Psalm 139 on You tube enjoy!

God will make a way 1/15/2007

2007-01-17T01:43:00.000-08:00

I felt so emotionally tire. I still haven't learn how to have rest. My mind just keep telling me constantly to strive for things to do. I am afraid of resting. When I rest, I became worry. My mind would tell me that I am lazy and wasting time that God granted for me. I was so fulled and filled with the spirit after the week I came back from LA. Now I just felt like my old self have came back. Although I have my time with Abba in the morning. I am hungry for His word, but I had a very hard time lately to put myself to rest and listen to His nurturing voice. When I couldn't get the rest in my solitude time with Abba, I find myself just couldn't do well the rest of the day. I couldn't fit in myself to anything or I can't find myself right with any group. I felt I am close to an empty tank and couldn't go any further, but I believe in what Christ said, "anyone who seek his life will lose it, and anyone who lose it because of me will find it." There is nothing that I have is not given by Christ. Thought I have not much left. What I can share with you here in return all your prayer support for me is this few verses that I have been using to battle my anxiety in the past month and I am still finding encouragement with them:

7 I will praise the LORD, who counsels me;
even at night my heart instructs me.
8 I have set the LORD always before me.
Because he is at my right hand,
I will not be shaken.

9 Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices;
my body also will rest secure,
10 because you will not abandon me to the grave,
nor will you let your Holy One see decay.
11 You have made known to me the path of life;
you will fill me with joy in your presence,
with eternal pleasures at your right hand.

Psalms 16:7-11 (NIV)

While encountering so many thought in my head about where He is leading me, this verse also comes to me tonight. I find some encouragement to it. So anyone is reading my blog, I hope this encouragement would also bless you.

Judge nothing before the appointed time; wait till the Lord comes. He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of men’s hearts. 1 Corinthian 4:5

God Will Make A Way
God will make a way,
Where there seems to be no way
He works in ways we cannot see
He will make a way for me.

He will be my guide
Hold me closely to His side
With love and strength for each new day
He will make a way, He will make a way.

By a roadway in the wilderness, He'll lead me
And rivers in the desert will I see
Heaven and earth will fade
But His Word will still remain
He will do something new today.

God will make a way,
Where there seems to be no way
He works in ways we cannot see
He will make a way for me.

He will be my guide
Hold me closely to His side
With love and strength for each new day
He will make a way, He will make a way